Monday, May 3, 2010

Going home - Asher and Cille

For all of his life, Asher will carry a part of Cille with him, a part of him. And we will do all that we can to keep her memory and traditions alive in his world. I know that Cille and Asher never met here on earth. I think they met somewhere far more beautiful in a way that's far more amazing than you or I may ever realize.

You see, I've written that while Cille's alzheimers progressed, she always remembered me and my pregnancy. When things took a turn for the worse months back, I had this feeling that she would leave us at the same time that Asher joined us. I don't know how or why, it was just a strong feeling. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I visited her and she no longer knew me. I took pictures of her and my belly to show Asher one day, in case they never met in person.

Throughout my labor and Asher's first few days, Mom was often with us, and we both knew that is how Cille would want it. She would visit Cille before coming to Raleigh each time. Just in case. On Friday, we were packing up to leave Rex Hospital and bring Asher home. My mom came to Raleigh to help us get organized and settled. As we were walking out of the hospital, we see my dad standing there. We didn't realize he was coming, and I was glad to see him. Then I saw his face. I'm not even sure what he said to Mom. I just remember them crying and looking at me in the wheelchair holding Asher with tears in their eyes. I don't remember if they told me she had passed or if I just knew.

I think Cille waited until she knew Asher and I were ok and on our way home. And then she went home. To be with God and grandpa Paul and all her other loved ones who have gone before her. I told Mom that I always had a feeling something like this would happen. She said she felt the same way. Mom assured me that she had told Cille goodbye that morning and was happy that she was with us when Cille passed. That's what Cille would have preferred.

The power of this story is hard for me to grasp or put into words. When I think of the magnitude of losing such a big part of my life at the same time as gaining another huge part of my life, the emotion bowls me over. It's a story of life and death that few will ever witness.

I believe that Asher and Cille met. I think their spirits met and she passed on an enormous amount of love to him. And I think he looked at her with these wide eyes that we are blessed to see each day. I know she's watching over him. And I know that through both of them going home, we have all experienced something huge. For that, and for Cille and for Asher, I thank God.


peanut said...

Amazing words! There have been lots of tears
this week- both for joy and sorrow..
Cille would be so proud of you.

Susan Peoples said...

This was so beautiful said... I, too feel that they met somewhere in between. God is so powerful! Love yah! Susan

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