Six months ago today

Six months ago today, I was 65 lbs-41 weeks pregnant. Miserable. Swollen. And packing my (final) bags to check into Rex to be induced that night.

Six months ago today, I had no idea what it really meant to be a mother.

Six months ago today, I thought I knew what it felt like to be sleep deprived.

Six months ago today, I had not met my son.

Six months ago today, everything was about to change. For the worse and for the better.

We've had our rough patches. I don't think I've cried so much in a six month time period. I don't think I've ever felt so clueless as I have these first months of being a mother. I know neither of us were truly prepared for parenthood, but you really can't be. I don't think I realized that my baby's cry could make my insides ache against my will. I certainly never realized I'd be terrified to place my baby upstairs while I'm downstairs. I didn't know that many times I'd doubt myself and my husband. I would have never suspected that I'd have such strong opinions as the mother of this child, and that I'd stand up for myself and him and my instinct to protect him no matter what. Six months ago, I had a lot of challenges ahead of me.

But six months ago today, so much became better. My days and nights are fuller with the love of my child. With the love of his father. Every day for the last six months, I've experienced a whole new kind of love. And boy, it's amazing.

And, boy, you are amazing. Happy six months tomorrow, sweet Asher. Sure do love you.