Keep going.

 

It was several years back when I approached my friend to design another tattoo for me. At the time, I knew I wanted something small and meaningful. This is the design we came up with. Simple. But as simple as it seems, it took us some time to get it just right. It meant, to me, to keep going. 

Keep moving forward - wherever life takes you. 

Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep loving. Keep living. Keep feeling. Keep laughing. 

The thicker, larger arrow was purposefully meant to be hugging the smaller. Sometimes, it's someone dragging you forward. Sometimes, you're the one inside hanging on for the ride. Sometimes, you're the bigger arrow, carrying those you love. Holding those you love. Holding memories you love. 

Simple, but keep going meant a lot to me then. 

Then, I decided not to get it done. Or to wait a bit. Then, global pandemic. And a whole lot of change. A few months ago, though, things shifted for me. Not a shift I felt coming, prepared for, planned, could completely understand or even with confidence know how to handle. It's hard to put into words. But sometimes even the smallest or biggest things set you on a path you find yourself on. And what do you have to do? Keep moving. 

Not to be ambiguous, but it is ambiguous. It was an internal shift. An internal kick in the ass. An internal reset button. I took this time to face my feelings and my emotions. To figure out who I am, just me. To learn where to place boundaries. And to learn how to be hurt and know things hurt less over time. To embrace joy and hang on tight. To grab those memories - past, present and future - and bring them along with me. I just spent time - and I'm still spending time - being very intentional about helping myself grow. And to keep moving. To keep going.

I had spent over a year in survival mode, you know? I function well in survival mode. Even in a pandemic that smacks your world out of the blue and turns it upside down repeatedly. I function well when figuring things out and making things happen. I kept going.

And a few months later, I'm still in this weird place as a person trying to purposefully grow and feel and become the best version of myself. So, the time was now to make this symbol a permanent part of me. The meaning then - keep going - only magnified by the experiences of the last year. The emotions. The change. The struggle, fight, faith and magic of a hard year. And the memories of the years before.

Why am I sharing all of this? I don't know. Maybe because writing is therapy for my soul. Maybe because someone out there can read this and relate. Maybe because when I look at this tattoo on my shoulder, I recognize the weight it carries now far outweighs what it was designed for. 

It reminds me you can't let yourself get stuck in a moment. Or in a bad place. Moments keep going and we have to figure out ways to keep going right along with them. And, it's a symbol that things can get tough but you get tougher. It's a visual sign that says, things change and some things come back around. Some don't. And even if our story feels stuck or lost or fuzzy or scary or happy or perfect or imperfect, you stay present, know, feel and then charge onward to the next best step. 

Right now and years from now, I will look back on these two little arrows and remember we don't know where we are going or what tomorrow holds or how we will respond or if we even have a choice. Life throws at us what it does. It's our choice how to handle it. People will come and go. Milestones. Places. Choices. Emotions. They all make us who we are. I choose to feel love, seek love, embrace love, appreciate love and remember love, in all its crazy forms. I choose to keep going from each day to the next, knowing that being stuck is not where I thrive. 

Sometimes, life hands you a mess. But you have to look for the good, find your way there, sit and relish in it. Sit in your memories, if you'd like. Sit in the present, be still and with thankfulness, realize who and what surround you in your life - and who and what once surrounded you and their impact. Where there are holes, fill them. Where there is a shift, feel it and find the next best step. Screw up and do it over. And remind yourself, there's only so much of your story you can control. Have. Faith.

Just keep going. When it hurts and when it's glorious. Trust in those that carry you or have carried you. Carry those that need it. Love yourself enough to trust in your next step and the one after it. Make yourself a priority. 

Keep going and hang on for the ride.