First Day of School: Virtual Year Two

My boys,

This isn't what I pictured for you. For us. For your school adventures. But, this is where we are. And know this: you are my why.

You are why I organized parents to advocate for mandatory masks in schools. You are why I continue to advocate for our public schools and increased safety (because you are headed back as soon as it's safe). You are why we may seem to be 'overreacting' but I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe.

We can do hard things. And each of you showed me that this morning when we started school with K12NCVA again this year. Happy first day of school!

I could not be more proud of each of you. You rocked it out last year, even when I was stretched between 'learning coach', president of my own company and launching a start-up. (And finding toilet paper and food and moving and all that extra stuff.) You tested well and managed your school as best you could all on your own when there were days I just had to prioritize work. 

None of this is what I would wish for us. I never thought we'd still be where we are in this pandemic. But, here we are. And I'm immensely thankful that we had seats at NCVA because so many parents are afraid, schools are having clusters of COVID and the new variant is ravaging the nation .Those parents, most of them, have no other option. That's why I will keep pushing for safer schools (and thus, community) while keeping you as safe as I can here at home. 

Look. Let's be real. I'm going to lose my patience. I'm going to mess up. I'm not a teacher. I never wanted to homeschool. But your mental and physical health comes first. And, for now, that's what we are keeping in check. We can figure out the rest along the way.

Asher (6th grade), 

I cannot express how amazingly proud I am of you. 

You started school, in-person, at Moore Square Magnet School weeks ago. You marched in there, unafraid of where those classes were or who your teachers were. You were, though, keenly aware of the safety measures (other than the mask) that were not in place. You advocated for yourself to find a safe eating spot, unashamed to say you had anxiety about it. 

You are nothing short of everything. Smart. Kind. Aware. Empathetic. And you know how to speak up for your needs - and for others. I'm sorry that that didn't work out, being in-person. Your anxiety, that constant threat hanging over you is not the middle school experience you deserve. Others who do not believe in science and masking, or take it seriously, are not going to bring you down. We saw the 'holes' in the district's protection during your short time in-person and as a family decided to keep you at home. 

I saw your personality come back as the anxiety faded. I saw you research and ask to move to New Zealand and question why the United States can't do this or that like other counties. We talked a lot about how much has been lost to us. But you understand why. And you will stop at nothing to protect yourself and your family. 

You seriously are a role model to myself and all of those blessed to have you in their lives. Today, you started 6th grade (for the second time) with NCVA's middle school. With a smile. Eager to get organized. Offering to help your brothers. Offering to help me. I'm thankful you're mine, kid. Thanks for hanging in there with us. 

Elias (4th grade), 

I had my doubts about today. I know you struggle with some areas of life right now. I know we are all doing all we can to protect you, since you are our most high risk family member. 

You blew me away today. You dove into your assignments. You read chapters about NC and completed your written (and online) assignments without me saying anything. 

Your zest for learning and capacity for learning big, big things astounds me. I've said over and over that you are a puzzle to me. You do your own thing and stand by it - good and bad. But you are so loving. You melt into my arms when I hug you. You love learning with your plants surrounding you. 

Then you head back up to write your javacscript and jquery and whatever else it is that you do that's way above my skill set. 

You are exceptional. We all see it. I'm pretty convinced you will be working for Krobe and coding websites by middle school. You see things from a detailed-engineer point-of-view. You take an idea and run with it. You also think school is 'boring' because it's not what you want to do. But we're working on that. 

Today, kid, let's just hit copy/paste on today's school attitude everyday, ok? Please? :) 

I know being sent into lockdown and out of in-person learning in 2nd grade was a big turning point for you. I've learned so much about you, how you think and how you need to learn. I also have a ton of questions, but we're working on that. As much as I hate this pandemic, having you home for school has been a blessing in so many ways. As your mom, I needed this peek into your world. And I need you safe. I'm doing my best, kid. 

Conyer (Kindy), 

Oh my baby. This is not how things were supposed to be. This isn't how you were supposed to start kindergarten. I had a few hours worth of crying and rage about this yesterday. I wanted things to be ok so you could start school and have that kindergarten experience. 

Just so you know, I have no clue how to teach a kid to read. Kindergarten is more over my head than middle school. But I'll do my best. 

I'm sorry, though. I'm sorry that you've had to entertain yourself so much over the last year and a half. You did it like a champ (most of the time). I know you are going to learn so much, despite me being your teacher. :) You wanted school to start last night. And you hopped in your chair this morning ready to go. I'm not sure what you expected and I'm not certain it's meeting your expectations, but you're hanging in there. You roll with the flow, kid. We are going to figure this out together and you're going to rock kindergarten. 

You and your curls and your sweet sleeping positions and snuggles and whispering "I love you, too" half asleep every night melt me. You're still my baby. And little one, I'm sorry that the state of this nation and this world and this school district is robbing you of a kindergarten experience that's safe enough right now for our comfort level. Having you home with me during this time I will cherish. That sweet grin and wild hair bring a smile to my face even if you're screaming about something ridiculous. 

Welcome to Kindy, kid. 

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A, E and C - You boys are my world. I will do any and every freaking hard thing on this planet for you. And I hope you see that or one day we can all look back on this time and appreciate it for the joyful moments and laugh at the chaos. I pray for continued safety for each of you and our family. I promise to listen intently to your needs, do my very best and keep lots of snacks in the house for your nonstop eating. 

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. But it is what it is. And we are going to make it something grand and big and count our blessings. We can do hard things. You show me daily that you are doing hard things and you are just plain awesome. Each of you. I love you. 

All for you, dudes. All. For. You.

Love,

Mom